What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 03:53
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
How can I improve my sleep quality using gadgets?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I never cut or harmed myself..
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I think the readers, may guess!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
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Would this be the day?
She married twice! .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I have no regrets .
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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On the 31st of Jan this month .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was in good health!
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
What are some prime examples of gibberish from the bible?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
How can I be okay with being ugly? What is the bright side?
She loved him until the end.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I waited trembling.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My life is so biszare .
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.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Put me off passion for life!!
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was very sick at this time too.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My family never makes their pension either.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im still living with it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I said to her
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I write beautiful poetry .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But ive been too sick for many years..
All the time i was locked up.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But, we were locked up after school.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One cannot live in the past .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
(And it was in our own minds.)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So whats the point in blame.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She found it foreign!.
Ive learnt so much.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
When she asked me how she looked .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was scared of men, in general
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why did i forgive my father ?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So, i spoilt her more .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was 9 years of age.
We all went to grammer schools
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were not on the streets..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He knew the spot.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
This is soul school!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it wasn’t much.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What did i know ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I will be 64.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Comes on , in middle age.
I don,t even have a pension.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She wouldn,t have been !
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Who then, do I blame.?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was seconnd youngest,
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And i lived it daily.